3 non-lame ways to celebrate Valentine's Day

Ask anyone and you'll find there are infinite ways to celebrate Valentine's Day. Some couples like getting dressed up and going back to the restaurant where they had their first date. Others might exchange special homemade gifts, and some people choose to take a special weekend getaway. For those of you who'd rather mix it up this year and don't want to go the traditional flowers-and-chocolate route of Valentine's Day, here are three non-lame ways to celebrate this weekend.

1. Cook something new together. Instead of fighting the crowds that will inevitably fill up your favorite restaurants, try teaming up to cook a new dish that you've been wanting to try. Maybe it's a complicated entree or a delicious dessert you pinned months ago. You'll remember the experience of making dinner together more than eating out.

2. Stay in and have a movie marathon. Since neither Adam or myself are much into Valentine's Day, this was how we spent the day last year. We watched Crazy, Stupid Love (a favorite of both of ours) and spent the day lazing around together. You don't need to put on a big show to celebrate your relationship; sometimes just being together and in the moment is all it really takes.

3. Have a two-person game night. You can do this one at home or out on the town if you prefer. Play cards, board games or go to an arcade or a bowling alley. A little friendly competition is always fun, and it can be a great way to remember the early days of your relationship. You could even make it a little interesting and make bets!

And bonus #4: spa night with these goodies!

How are you spending Valentine's Day this weekend? Do you have any traditions, or do you like to go the unorthodox route? 

P.S. 8 ways to treat yourself this weekend and how to keep the sparks alive

tips for your first holiday with your SO’s family

I think most people can agree that meeting the parents is a little stressful. I’ve always dreaded it, even though I’ve never had a particularly bad experience. It just makes me nervous and a little uncomfortable — basically the same as meeting anyone new when you’re an introvert, ha! But seriously, meeting the parents can be intimidating, especially if it’s during the holidays, which is typical for new couples. If you’re planning to meet your S.O.’s parents during the holidays this year, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

The sweetest new Instagram account

In case you thought true love was lost for good, Brooklyn Sherman, the 27-year-old behind The Way We Met, is here to show you otherwise. A few weeks ago she started an Instagram account to showcase real couples and the stories of how they met, and it is so sweet.

The account has already garnered tons of publicity — and rightfully so, because it is so fun to read the love stories from the beautiful couples featured there. Brooklyn is originally from the Midwest but now lives in L.A., and says she started The Way We Met because she's a hopeless romantic looking to find real people who are in love. She writes this in her first blog post:

"I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to find the people out there who ARE in a committed relationships [sic]. Where did they find each other? How did they meet? What is the key to a successful relationship? How are they turning insta-happy into a lifetime of happiness?"

I love the idea behind this. Once I found out about the account, I lost track of time reading through the stories. This one is my favorite.

Are you following The Way We Met? What do you think of the idea?

P.S. How to keep the sparks alive and how to fight successfully

How to make your relationship feel new again

After you've been together for a year or more, things can start to become routine (maybe even predictable) in your relationship. You know each other's favorite foods and restaurants. You know what night you'll be staying in to watch a certain show. And you both know which movies the other person won't watch with you... It's a beautiful thing to know someone so completely, but it's important to keep alive the spark and mystery from those first months together — no matter how long you've been dating (or even married).

Adam and I have only been together for about a year an half, but by now he's learned that I won't leave my place when Dancing with the Stars is on, and I know that he'll say yes to Chinese food for dinner 99% of the time. I love that we know these things about each other, but I also miss the butterflies and excitement that came with our first date or the time we played mini-golf.

It's inevitable that everything will become more familiar after spending so much time together, but that doesn't mean you can't recreate the sparks you felt in the beginning. Adam and I both agree that we never want to feel complacent in our relationship, so we're starting to take steps to avoid that from happening. Here are a few of our tips for keeping the spark alive in your relationships:

1. Ask him to pick you up for a date. Re-create that first date feeling by going traditional. Walking you to your door for a goodnight kiss at the end is a big plus! And if you live together, try meeting each other at the restaurant. It seems a little inconvenient, but it makes the date seem more special when you put in the extra effort.

2. Go on a date that you went on near the beginning. Just like married couples recreate their wedding day by renewing their vows, repeating a date that was special to you at the beginning of your dating will sort of "renew" your relationship. Maybe it's the first restaurant you went to or the time you went to that arcade. It'll make both of you think of your earlier dates and how it felt the first time around.

3. Show affection other than kissing. At the beginning of a new relationship, even brushing arms with your new partner can be exciting. Be intentional by rubbing his back when he tells you about his day or even tracing her fingers while you watch a movie. It'll remind them that you're just as attracted today as you were in the early days.

4. Surprise each other with a gift. After a certain point, you're probably taking turns buying each other's dinners, paying for movie tickets and everything else. It all becomes normal and expected, but surprising each other with something you wouldn't normally buy for yourself is a great way to treat your partner.

5. Don't forget the little things. Buying your partner's favorite ice cream or getting up a little earlier to make coffee for them goes a long way toward making your partner feel special. Those things are small, but they add up to make a big difference over the course of a relationship.

6. Remind each other why you're still together. Of course you love her, but why? Is it still the same reason that made you fall in love, or is there something you've learned that makes you love her more? At this point in the relationship, you can probably add multiple items to the list of why you love each other. It never hurts to remind the other person of those reasons.

P.S. 8 movies to watch with your partner, fighting successfully and the Date Night Des Moines series

Date Night Des Moines: exploring the city

The weekend before my surgery, I told Adam I wanted to do "lots of walking activities!" since I knew I'd be laid up for a while afterwards. Sadly, the weather was cold, windy and rainy both days. We had plans to explore downtown a little bit, but decided it wasn't worth the drive if we were going to end up hiding out from the rain. So instead we made our first trip to the West Des Moines Public Library (it's been years since I've been to a library outside of studying!), where we found a beautiful pond with walking trails...

So even though it was a chilly 50 degrees and we were both underdressed for it, we stayed out for a while and walked around, taking in all the strange sculptures and beautiful weeping willows (both Adam's and my favorite tree) and the geese swimming/flying around.

Walking has always been one of my favorite activities. Whether it's with a friend, a date, my sister or my dad — it's a nice way to talk without pressure or expectations; it's just relaxing and free. And what's even better is walking somewhere that you're not completely familiar with because you never know what you might discover.

P.S. Mini-golf date night, coffee, books and Lent and Creme Cupcakes

Date Night Des Moines: board games for two

Adam and I got into Settlers of Catan last year while we were both still in college. His roommates played it and taught us, and then it became a growing thing in our friend group — like to the point where we would have plans to go out and then end up staying in just to play it! Have you ever played before? It's such a fun game!

Date Night Des Moines: coffee, books and Lent

So I already missed one Date Night Des Moines post since I announced the new series last month. We were traveling one weekend, and then Adam was sick, and I had a few work things going on...you know how it goes. But I'm back with the latest date, which is kind of a throwback to our college days. We found a cute little cafe we hadn't been to before, grabbed our books and spent an hour having our own little book club discussion. It's kind of fun to take a normal activity like this — one that could easily be done at one of our apartments — and get out of the house with it.

8 movies to watch with your significant other

I can't believe Valentine's Day is this weekend already. Do you have any plans for it? Adam and I aren't big Valentine's people. Last year we went out to dinner and spent the night in watching old movies on Netflix, and this year we plan to do pretty much the same, except we'll be making dinner this time. What do you typically do for Valentine's Day? Is it a big deal or more of a non-event?

With so many bloggers writing about date ideas for couples celebrating the holiday, I thought I'd go another route and share some of my favorite movies to watch with a significant other. I know a lot of girls get really excited to dress up and go out for a special date, but this is for those like me who prefer a more laid back date — where sweatpants are perfectly acceptable!

1. Date Night. An underrated hit, in my book. This came out a few years ago and truthfully, I haven't seen it since I watched it the first time. But I remember really liking it. Tina Fey and Steve Carell are both great, and they can turn a maybe-stupid plot into a good movie.

2. Friends with Benefits / No Strings Attached. Since they're both essentially the same movie, it's really about your preferences here. I liked both of them, but I choose Ashton Kutcher and his "period mix" for my leading man.

3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Guys LOVE this movie. Seriously, I didn't hear the end of it from Adam and all his friends until I finally watched this movie last fall. But they were right — it's a pretty great movie, and a good one for couples.

4. Safe Haven. Because I had to have one Nicholas Sparks movie, right? I considered The Vow, but it kind of breaks my heart. I really enjoyed Safe Haven, and I think it is more in line with a guy's movie interests too. Plus, it hasn't been totally overdone yet.

6. Crazy, Stupid Love. A classic for couples of all ages. Adam actually really enjoys this movie, as do most guys I know. It's funny, charming and sweet — you can't go wrong with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.

7. 10 Things I Hate About You. I think this will be on every movies-to-watch list I ever make. It is funny, quirky, sweet, romantic — and Heath Ledger sings on the bleachers! I will never stop loving this one.

8. If I Stay. I can't recommend this one enough. (But, if you haven't read the book, do that before you watch it.) It's such a sweet, romantic and tragic story. Grab the tissues and snuggle in tight, because you won't want to let go once it starts.

What do you think of my list? Any I missed? Let me know your favorites in the comments!

Related: non-cheesy Valentine's Day gift guide, and Valentine's Day outfit ideas

Do you know how to fight successfully?

I was at home for lunch one day last week when The Talk came on (before you judge me, I just turned the TV on and it was there!). Anyway, they shared a quote from Pete Wentz explaining his divorce from Ashlee Simpson. He had this to say:

"I think there's an important thing where you know how to fight, because you can fight with somebody and it's not the end of everything. But if you don't know how to have those arguments, then they become nuclear." 

I thought his take on it was kind of perfect. I've always been very shy and non-confrontational — and I've always been at least mildly aware of the way it affects my relationships. Whenever I was mad, my default used to be shutting the other person out and holding in my anger until I was just annoyed for the same reasons all the time. It sounds cliche, I know.

But Adam doesn't let me do that. The first times we fought, he was annoyed with my resistance to talk through the problem right away, but he just went with it anyway. And then one day he took a new stance; he called me out on my habit of shutting down and made me share what I was feeling when I was angry. I'll admit that I was resentful about it at first, but then I realized something kind of amazing.

When one of us was mad or upset about something, we could talk about it openly, tell each other why we were mad and how we wanted to fix it — and then it was over. We didn't leave angry, we both understood how we felt and how we would move forward. And then we went back to laughing and being happy again. Fights weren't this big, stressful thing anymore, and the issues that started them didn't become recurring incidents between us.

I think every couple has a different way of dealing with their issues, but it's important to talk through them and find resolutions that work for both people. When you're trying to make a relationship last, you can't just push everything under the rug — you have to know how to eliminate those problems. And if you find you're having the same fights over and over, maybe it's time to re-evaluate the real problem.

Adam has always been better at open communication — it's in his nature as an extrovert. This is what he has to say on fighting in relationships: It's okay to be angry with the other person, so long as both people know where that anger stems from and both know it's not the end of the relationship.

It makes sense, right? Couples are supposed to fight. It's learning from those arguments that helps you learn about each other. And ultimately, that's what is going to determine how long you stay together.

Related: the choice to have children, family names and pet names: yes or no?

(Image via Everly True)

Pet names: yes or no?

I've always used pet names (like "baby" and "love") in relationships, and even with my friends (doll, girlie). But I got to thinking about it the other day, and the more I did the more I felt like using pet names sort of takes something away from that person. It's almost like they lose a sense of their individuality when we replace their real names with generic nicknames.

Of course, there's the argument that pet names are special between two people, and it adds another level of intimacy. (And to be clear, I do agree with that viewpoint and still like using them.) But doesn't it also feel intimate to hear your significant other whisper your name after "I love you"?

Since paying attention to it, I realized I almost never call Adam by his name when I'm talking to him. But I also noticed he does the same with me. Then the other day he sent me an email and started it with "Eleni," and my first thought was, "Oh my gosh, is he upset with me?" He wasn't actually upset; it was just so odd to see him write out my name when addressing me, because we do that so rarely. But I've been trying to use his name a little more in conversation, and it actually does feel kind of romantic.

What do you think? Do you use pet names with your S.O. or friends? I'd love to hear...

(Image via Ruffled)

Family names: Mom's or Dad's?

I recently came across this article about a couple who gave their daughter the wife's last name rather than the husband's. It's definitely a bold statement for feminism and against patriarchy. But then the old-fashioned part of me thought, "What's wrong with tradition?"

There's something romantic about taking on the name of your new spouse. As girls, I think more than a few of us used to fantasize about being Mrs. Johnson or Mrs. Smith—we all wrote out the possibilities with our crush's name back in grade school, right?

Until reading this I've never seriously considered passing my own name along. I have thought about hyphenating my name with my future husband's or just keeping mine, but it never occurred to me that I could choose my child's last name.

The writer addresses quite a few things I've never considered: preserving a family name, preserving patriarchal lineage, a child's perspective growing up with a differently structured name than his or her peers.

What do you think? Would you ever consider giving your children your a last name other than your husband's?

(Image via Cara Loren)

Sometimes fiction is better than reality

I heard that quote once—in a TV show or movie probably, but I can't remember for sure—and thought of it today after seeing "If I Stay." I read the book several years ago, and the previews practically had me grasping for tissues already. It was so good. Heartbreaking and devastating, but also incredibly beautiful.

I won't give away any spoilers, but I have to talk about how the characters and their relationships in the story. Chloe Grace Moretz plays Mia, who has these amazing punk-rock, hippy-esque parents who encourage her to chase her dreams and live her life, even when it gets scary. And then she has this incredible boyfriend Adam, played by Jamie Blackley, who has his own band, a huge following and isn't afraid to show his emotional side. The family dynamic is so free and supportive, it's impossible to not want be a part of it. Her parents are the most understanding, fun and unselfish people. And Mia's relationship with Adam is beautiful to watch, even through the hard parts.

I love living through stories like this in books, but watching it unfold on-screen makes it seem so much more human—like someone really is out in the world living that life right now. Mia's relationships with her parents and boyfriend are so precious, you can't help but wish reality was a little bit as poetic as it is in fiction.

(Image via That's Normal)